Helping Families by Tearing Down Walls

Parenting Tips

What if my "ex" won't apply the same rules at his/her house?

Divorce is painful for everyone involved, but most agree that the children involved are almost always the ones who are left the most vulnerable. As a parent, it’s essential to do everything you can to insure that Walls are not created that would hinder their growth spiritually and emotionally. In such situations, it’s often impossible for one parent to control the environment when the child is with the other parent, but there are steps that can be taken. Consider the following:

 

  • Be sensitive to your child’s pain, but don’t compound that pain by removing boundaries from his or her life. It may feel kind at first to “loosen the reigns” after all you’ve been through, but kids need to know their boundaries during times of uncertainty more than ever.

 

  •  If at all possible, seek to come to an agreement on the foundational boundaries that will be enforced in the homes of both parents. If possible, you might seek input from the other parent. Offer to enforce those boundaries that are most critical in his or her life.

 

  • Even if your “ex” refuses to fulfill the role of “Trainer,” you must stand by the rules of your own household. Emphasize the “whys” of your boundaries, and stay the course. Even when the same rules aren’t in place at the other home, your child will continue to at least understand why the boundaries are important to you.

 

  • If at all possible, don't talk negatively about one of the children's parents in front of the kids, or force the children to choose sides between their parents. Remember that children love both parents and naturally want to be loyal to both. Allow children to maintain the closest relationships possible with each parent.

 

  • If you don't have custody of your children, keep in contact with them as frequently as possible - through e-mail, phone calls, and more beyond regular visits. When you do get to visit, maintain the same level of discipline your children receive with the custodial parent, and don't feel pressure to buy their affection through expensive outings or material things. Simply give them the gift of time and attention. Also, be sure to faithfully pay child support to help meet your children's needs.

 

Sharing the parental role with an “ex” can be frustrating and confusing at times. Recognizing the importance of fulfilling your role as Inspirer, Trainer, and Reflector will help you better define why you have Household Boundaries in place. It doesn’t mean life is always easy, but your child will one day thank you for filling the role to which you are called. 


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Parenting Tips

“Should I force my teenager to go to church?”

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The spiritual barriers people face are countless, but they can be categorized into Eight Primary Walls. These walls correlate with the 8 primary breakthroughs that everyone needs.
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1 of 48
I believe God loves me in spite of who I am.
2 of 48
I think that God will meet all my needs.
3 of 48
I am amazed at God's power.
4 of 48
I believe truth is the same for everyone.
5 of 48
I believe the Bible has answers for today's circumstances.
6 of 48
I don't believe anyone can ever know what is absolutely true.
7 of 48
I am intentionally seeking to grow in my relationships with others.
8 of 48
I worry that God is angry with me.
9 of 48
I find myself more focused on the things I don't have but wish I did.
10 of 48
When bad things happen, I feel like I am getting what I deserve.
11 of 48
I believe God is willing and able to answer my prayers.
12 of 48
When looking back on my life, I tend to focus on all of the things I did wrong.
13 of 48
I tend to expect the worst to happen.
14 of 48
I think God cares about the details of my life.
15 of 48
I believe God wants what is best for me.
16 of 48
I look forward to good things in my future.
17 of 48
I am confident God has forgiven me for my past.
18 of 48
I believe God is loving and kind.
19 of 48
I have too many of my own problems to deal with the problems of others.
20 of 48
I am so busy that I find myself ignoring the most important things in my life.
21 of 48
I have a hard time trusting people.
22 of 48
My faith practices are more about routine than relationship.
23 of 48
I worry about the problems that the future holds.
24 of 48
The possibility of gaining a good friend is worth the risk.
25 of 48
I spend too much of my energy pursuing material things.
26 of 48
I am willing to sacrifice immediate gratification for something better down the road.
27 of 48
It troubles me that God has not answered my prayers.
28 of 48
I try to avoid temptations that would bring me harm.
29 of 48
I am grateful for the things I have been given.
30 of 48
I have been wronged in the past in a way I cannot get over.
31 of 48
I am willing to serve others for nothing in return.
32 of 48
I observe things that make me wonder if I should believe the Bible.
33 of 48
I believe in an all-powerful, all-knowing God.
34 of 48
I have to guard against judging people when I learn they are dealing with tough circumstances.
35 of 48
I feel compelled to make the world around me better.
36 of 48
I question why God allowed certain things to happen in my life.
37 of 48
I feel there is a disconnect between who I really am and how I act in front of other people.
38 of 48
It humbles me to think I can know God.
39 of 48
When I am facing a difficult situation, I feel like I can solve problems on my own.
40 of 48
I find myself drawn to things I know are bad for me.
41 of 48
People who have hurt me in the past cause me to avoid some relationships today.
42 of 48
I feel with God's help, I can face any situation.
43 of 48
When bad things happen, I wonder if God can make things better.
44 of 48
I feel strong relationships are hard, but worth it.
45 of 48
People would describe me as a giving person.
46 of 48
I feel I can turn to God for direction.
47 of 48
I know a lot of people, but don't feel very close to many people.
48 of 48
I have witnessed things that make me wonder if God is in control.
Great you have finished the evaluation.
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